


build your hopes up like a tower

by alecsmagnus



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Happy Ending, Just let malec be happy, M/M, Magnus is hurt, Misunderstandings, Sorry guys, real angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 08:06:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10681173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alecsmagnus/pseuds/alecsmagnus
Summary: They thought he never heard them.But he always did.





	build your hopes up like a tower

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry for this. just found this somewhere on twitter, but i just want to take it off my chest. after i wrote this, i felt better.
> 
> english is not my native language and this isn't edited. it's night time in here and i'm so sleepy.
> 
> title from troye sivan's lost boy.

It had been months since it started to happen. Magnus would sometimes dismiss it. At first, he actually didn't think it was something or anything, but months passed by and now, he was losing his mind.

They thought he never heard them.

But he always did.

The sounds coming from Jace's bedroom late at night. Magnus would ignore it but it was hard to miss, especially if it was Alec chanting _Jace, Jace, Jace,_ over and over again.

It explained why when he woke up at midnight, Alec wasn't there next to him. For the past few months, he never was there next to him.

It was a rare occasion now when Alec was there when he woke up the next morning. It was just... cooling off. The teasings were reduced, the sweetness, everything. Alec wouldn't kiss Magnus when they wake up these times.

Magnus knew now. He always did. At first, he never doubted Alec's feelings for him, but with everything that had happened, Alec's constant "Jace needs me, got to go." And he'll rush for the door and leave.

He shouldn't be surprised. He knew that since they met, Alec had feelings for his parabatai. He didn't know that it would lead to something like this.

Something like Alec cheating on Magnus with Jace.

It was so painful. Magnus couldn't even stop crying. He was so in pain, he didn't have someone to talk to. He had, once, but now, it was all gone.

He was currently lying on his bed on his side. Magnus was desperately trying to reduce the tears from falling. Tonight, it was Jace who was chanting Alec's name. So after going on a mission they would actually do that? He thought.

There was a silence then. Magnus took a deep breath to calm himself, when the bedroom door opened.

He felt Alec stripped onto his boxers and slid beside him. He closed his eyes so Alec wouldn't notice.

Magnus felt Alec look at him and he closed his eyes tightly, praying to the gods above that he wouldn't notice him.

Alec pressed a kiss to his temple, and it broke Magnus, to the point that he actually sobbed because he loved Alec so much and he couldn't believe that he would do that.

Alec pulled him flush to his chest but that did not make the pain go away. He waited for Magnus to calm down, whispering things that can calm his warlock down.

"Hey," Alec whispered directly to his ear.

Magnus did not answer. He just used his hands to wipe his tears, because the pain was too much.

Too much.

How can Alec be like that, like he wasn't actually doing something behind Magnus' back? He was so deceiving.

"Magnus," he heard Alec speak again, "what's the matter, love?"

And then he was using nicknames to him. Magnus couldn't believe everything.

"Nothing," he stammered out.

The shadowhunter sat up, taking Magnus with him. He settled his lover on his chest before hugging him from behind.

"We've been dating for 23 months," Alec said, voice unbelievably soft. "Tell me."

They've been together for 23 months and Magnus couldn't just understand why would Alec cheat on him. Actually, he never understood anything that ever happened to him since the beginning.

Surely, Alec was waiting for an answer so Magnus simply said, "it was just the book I was reading. I wanna sleep."

Even though he felt safe in Alec's arms, he should practice himself living without Alec, because sooner or later he'll end things up already.

He settled on his previous position. This time, he tried to sleep. He desperately tried to sleep; it was his only escape now.

Alec's voice reached him again. "Mags, please talk to me."

"I'm tired, _Alec_. Go to sleep."

Alec settled behind him again. Magnus had never been this cold before.

"I love you so much," Alec mumbled before drifting off.

That lie did not make Magnus feel better.

**

The next time it happened again, it was just Jace and Alec laughing at the next room. Magnus thought that maybe they were laughing at him.

He was crying again. Most of the times, he can stop himself from crying so hard but now he cannot do it. He didn't have the strength to do it because he just felt so weak, so vulnerable and that was not Magnus Bane.

Alec appeared to their bedroom few moments later, stripping to his boxers and settling next to Magnus.

This time, however, he did not start a talk with Magnus. He just lied on his side and slept.

Magnus sobbed quietly, before standing up and making his way to his bathroom. He put a protection spell and a silence spell in there and sat on the tub. There, he let everything go.

**

Next morning, Alec woke up and felt a hand to the left side of the bed. Magnus was... not there. Worried, he made his way to the bathroom and found it locked. Maybe Magnus was taking a shower.

Except, he cannot here the shower. He reached for his stele and drew an opening rune on the door.

Everything was a mess. The containers of their shampoos and different stuffs were laying around there and Magnus was at the tub, asleep.

**

Magnus flinched when he felt a tab on his cheek. He opened his eyes and hazel eyes were staring right at him.

It was Alec. Normally, Magnus would smile softly at him and greet him a good morning or just kiss him. But now, he cannot even look at him.

"Magnus, why are you here? I was so worried, I thought something happened to you."

He quickly stood up, causing for the shadowhunter to take a step back. Magnus was avoiding his eyes. It was so unlike him and Magnus scolded himself inside his head.

The warlock kind of lost his balance and Alec was quickly there and held him, however, Magnus _pushed him away._

"I'm fine," he hissed. "Just don't come near me, nephilim."

He never called Alec that.

"Magnus, please, what's wrong?"

He really wanted to reach for Alec, to touch him, to kiss him, anything but Alec did not want that for sure. So he quickly walked, into the bedroom and just lied on his bed. He magically cancelled all his appointments that day. Magnus couldn't just work in the state he was in.

"Alec, 15 minutes! We need to get to the institute," Jace shouted from the living room.

Alec sighed. "I'll take a shower," he told Magnus.

Magnus, with his eyes closed, spoke. "Don't take a shower there. Take a shower outside."

The shadowhunter frowned. "But the shower outside is -"

"Jace's," Magnus replied sternly. "I know."

"Why would you even want me to take a shower to his room?" Alec inquired.

Magnus had sparks coming from his fingertips but was grateful because he hid them under the blanket. He wanted to answer _Jace is there, so maybe you can shower together, right?_ or _Jace might blow you in the shower or fuck you there_.

"The bathroom here is a mess," Magnus whispered.

Alec nodded once. "Right."

Magnus stared at him and when he noticed Alec coming closer to him, he raised a finger and said, "please, don't."

He left the room and Magnus desperately tried to forget everything.

**

When Alec went home, he wasn't with Jace. Magnus had decided to end things now. He was tired to pretend that everything was just fine, that his cryings were just nothing, that he didn't know what was up with them. He always knew, though.

Magnus was on the couch. Alec smiled to him and walked.

"Is it okay if I kiss you?" Alec asked politely.

The warlock nodded. It was his only chance to kiss Alec.

He pulled him in and Magnus kissed him, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He closed his eyes tightly, just memorizing Alec's lip, tasting him all before he pulled back and released Alec's shirt.

It did not lessen the pain; Alec was still cheating on him.

When Alec was already on the shower, Alec's phone beeped. It was a text from Jace. Magnus read it.

**From: Jace**

**u ready for the date? ;)**

Magnus released the phone and heaved a deep sigh. Okay, he'll do this, he told himself over and over again.

Few minutes passed when Alec came out from the bathroom. He was dressed... formally.

He was really going on a date. With Jace.

"I've gotta go, babe," said Alec.

"Of course," Magnus breathed out, "enjoy your date."

At that, Alec froze. Magnus took it as a win.

"You... you knew..."

He clenched his jaw. "Knew what, Alec?"

"The... date..."

"Of course! And everything, actually."

Alec squinted his left eye.

"You think I wouldn't know? All the sneaking every night? You thought I wouldn't figure out? The sounds coming from Jace's bedroom? I'm old, Alec, not stupid!" Magnus snapped at him, still seated on the couch.

The nephilim had mixed expressions on his face. Before he tried to speak, "Magnus, it's not -"

"Oh don't give me that bullshit!" The warlock finally stood up, before kicking the coffee table to the side. "You never loved me. You just deceived me into believing you and here I am, so in love with you!"

"Magnus -"

"Why, Alec? I thought you were different. Is it because he's also a shadowhunter? Or he has a bigger dick? Oh, right! Because all these times, you still had feelings for him! I can't fucking believe this. I can't believe that you would do this. _I can't believe you."_

He was crying now, again. The warlock took a deep breath before continuing his speech. "This is a fucking mess. Every night, I had to deal with those sounds. It was the reason why I'm crying every night. The reason why I didn't want you to come near me. Because I'm scared that you'll just use me, say things so sweet but they are just lies! I fucking hate this. I fucking hate me."

"If you'll let me explain, please, Magnus, I'm begging you -"

Magnus raised a hand, making Alec shut up. "Why now, Alec? Why this time? It can be when we were dating for only a week. It must've been easier for me. You sneaking around, you also cancel our dates! For what? For Jace? Fuck."

He wiped his tears. He was so glad he didn't wear make up.

The warlock was also trying to control the sparks that were coming out from his fingers.

"Listen to me, Magnus, I love you -"

"No!" Magnus screamed from the top of his lungs. Alec tried walking toward him. "No, Alec! Stop right there. Don't go near me or _you'll regret it."_

The shadowhunter swallowed hard, deciding not to disobey Magnus in this kind of situation.

"I just..." said Magnus, and he was calm, "I just can't believe that you'll betray me like this. I showed you myself, _my_ _everything_ , I took you to places where I grew up, even though I did not wanna come back there because it all just brought the pain back. But I showed you. I showed you my warlock mark. I am ashamed of it and you made me believe that you love them. I was so fucking wrong. _I_ _hate_ _you_."

A silence flowed through them. It was when the nephilim broke it to say, "tell me what you want me to do."

Magnus' eyes looked at him squarely. "Repeat that."

"Tell me what you want me to do," whispered Alec.

Magnus, although it pained him so much, said, "get your things. All of them. And leave."

"But -" Alec started to protest.

"That is what I want you to do."

The shadowhunter wiped his tears with the back of his hand before rushing to the bedroom.

He fell on the couch, feeling weak. He was gonna do it. To lessen the pain, he was gonna do it.

Alec was back later on. He was carrying two bags.

"We're over. _I don't wanna see your face ever again."_

He did not say it looking at Alec. He was saying it to the floor. He just cannot bear the look that Alec would give him.

"I'm sorry," said Alec genuinely, before turning around.

"Also," Magnus said, "happy 24th monthsary, Alec. 2 years. Go get your gift, it is the one next to the foyer."

Magnus leaned back and sighed.

He heard the front door close.

He had bought that gift to Alec few months even before the cheating thing. It was a personalized bow and arrow. It actually suited Alec so well.

When Magnus first saw the bow, he thought about Alec so he quickly bought it and decided to give it to him the right time.

It was maybe not the right time, but at least Alec had it.

**

Alec went straight to the institute. He was silently sobbing when he walked all the way there.

He went to the kitchen. There, he found Izzy.

"Where's Jace?" he blurted out.

"Alec, what happened?" asked Izzy, worried.

Just as then, Jace appeared. "Uh oh, bro, what happened to you?"

"Magnus," Alec started sobbing again, "he... he broke up with me."

**

A vodka in times like this was nice. Magnus was just starting his fifth glass when there was a knock on the door.

It had been 4 hours since Alec left. All Magnus did was cry his eyes out until there were no tears coming out. He tried watching shitty tv shows but just kept uttering Alec's name over and over again.

So now, he was clearly enjoying himself when a bastard decided to kill the mood.

He stood up and opened the door. However, he did not expect Jace to be there.

"Getting your clothes?" Magnus asked casually.

"Well, yeah." Jace entered the loft and went to the room he was staying in.

When he got his clothes, he spoke. "You're ridiculous."

The warlock's hand tightened on his glass. "You've got Alec now to yourself. Leave, Jace."

Jace shrugged. "You should've let Alec explain, though. The problem with you is that your pride and anger got the best of you. Or just," he cocked his head to the side, "answer his calls. Or messages. You just need to let him talk."

Magnus sighed. "He sent you to say that, didn't he? Still cheating."

The blonde shadowhunter turned serious. "Just letting you know that he's not cheating on you."

He turned and ready to leave but Magnus asked, "what do you mean?"

Jace smirked. "Talk to him," he singsonged before leaving the loft.

What was that supposed to mean though? Magnus heard them. Alec was clearly cheating on him. But...

**

Alec looked at his watch. It was 4:00 in the morning. But he was walking towards Magnus' loft.

He needed to fix things... now. He cannot live without Magnus. He just can't. Magnus meant a lot for him. They've been together through a lot and he was not gonna let it be gone because of a misunderstanding.

He found himself standing in front of Magnus' home. He knocked few times before the door opened.

The loft was a mess. Magnus was a mess.

"What?" Magnus snapped at him, ready to close the door but Alec banged a fist on it.

"Let me explain. I wouldn't let this ruin us."

The warlock's lips were tingling. "We're already ruined."

"Just..." Alec scratched the back of his neck, "just let me explain myself, okay?"

They were at the living roon all of a sudden.

Alec decided that it was time to talk. "I'm not cheating on you."

_"You broke up? Why?" Izzy inquired._

_Alec stared at Jace. "He thought I'm having an affair with Jace."_

_Jace flinched at the sentence. "What? Dude, is he serious?"_

_"He did break up with me." Alec rolled his eyes._

"What do you mean?" Magnus hissed at him. "What are the sounds I'm hearing? Am I imagining them?"

"No, they are - they are real, just not what you think..."

_"What made him think that you're screwing?" asked Isabelle._

_Alec blushed._

_"I was massaging Alec's shoulders that time. He was stressed and Magnus was asleep so he didn't wake him up."_

"It was just a massage. I just thought that you're asleep already. I don't want to disturb you."

Magnus frowned. "What about the sneaking?"

_"He also thought that when I sneak out, I jusf go to you and we just basically hook up or like that."_

_The blonde cringed. "Okay, bro, that is just so disgusting."_

_"What are you doing anyway?" she asked._

"We were just looking for a perfect place to go on a date."

"Your date?"

Magnus didn't look so angry now and Alec was relieved by that.

"Our date... for today."

Magnus' lips twitched. "But the text?"

_"Magnus thought that I'm taking Jace on a date, when it is for him."_

"I actually texted "u ready for the date bro", not "u ready for our date bro"!"

"It was a date for us."

Alec can finally breathe. He let everything out and he was wishing that Magnus would take him back to his life.

**

Hearing Alec's explanation made Magnus feel dumb. But he cannot blame himself, he didn't know anything about Alec's plans!

But his explanations... Magnus felt so bad about the things he had said before he let him leave.

Alec wasn't cheating on him. It was a misunderstanding.

"I'm sorry," he just hear himself say. "I'm sorry I thought that you could cheat on me. The sounds are just so -"

"Magnus," Alec interrupted. "You don't have to apologize."

"But I want to," he said stubbornly. "I love you so much. I can't believe myself for thinking stupid things... it just happened a lot of times to me, and I don't want it to happen to us."

Alec smiled. "You don't have to, actually," he sighed.

There was a comfortable silence between them.

Alec, awkwardly, "um... would you like to... you know," he stepped closer to Magnus, "take me back to your life?"

"Let me guess," Magnus teased, a smile on his face, but he pulled Alec closer to him.

"Please?" the shadowhunter begged with his puppy eyes.

And really, how can Magnus say no to that? He pulled Alec to him and kissed him. The feelings were there; I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I love you.

His fingers went up to Alec's messy hair and he tugged. Alec moaned against him and Magnus pulled back with a smirk.

The nephilim pulled him into a bone crashing hug.

"I love you," Alec whispered and now that Magnus knew Alec wasn't cheating on him, it sounded genuine.

Even though he was scared to say it, he did. "I love you too."

Alec pulled back from him. "Our date wasn't successful, sadly..."

"Yes, I know. Sorry -"

"Magnus."

Magnus sighed.

The warlock was feeling so happy that he could actually float. It was a surprise when Alec got to his knee.

Magnus' eyes widened.

"I was planning on doing this in our date but this works too," Alec breathed out. "We've been together for two years. We fought today, broke up, but reunited. It shows that we are just really meant to be. We've done so many things already and I still want to increase those things. I want to start a family with you, just... be at your side. Make you happy when you're sad, make you positive when you're feeling negative. This is just too cheesy, I can just go for it already," he scratched the back of his neck and took the ring from his pocket. "I'm not a king, a poet, or anything, but I'm a shadowhunter that wants to be with you in everything so Magnus Bane, will you marry me?"

This time, though, Magnus was crying, but they were happy tears. He attacked Alec with his mouth and Alec chuckled at his possessive boyfriend.

"Is that a yes?" asked the shadowhunter teasingly.

"Of course, it's a yes if it's you, Alexander. My Alexander."

He slipped the ring on Magnus' finger. The warlock stared at it for a moment before smiling at Alec.

"I really love you, Alexander. And I'm always proud of you, for being so brave today."

"I love you too, Magnus. My Magnus."

**Author's Note:**

> is it bad??? y'all can tweet your reactions at my twitter account, it's @alecgaydeons.


End file.
